No matter how long you live,

you never finish.

25th August 2023

Post reblogged from Just His with 54,167 notes

How to love a broken girl

samekitty0612:

samekitty0612:

teslagirl31415:

skunkeyemcghee:

onesubsjourney:

How to love a broken girl. How many would benefit from an instruction book for that? Its easy to love the carefree girls, the “normal” girls, the confident girls next door, but what about the broken girls? The girls with fortresses around their heart and shields in their eyes? The girls whose souls have aged beyond their earthly years? The girls with bodies and minds that have survived wars which would break the strongest of men? Sometimes these girls should come with a warning label. The warning pendulum swings both ways. This warning is not only for how you must treat her but for all the ways she will ruin you.

1. You cannot love her gently. She does not realize she deserves to be loved. You must love her with a force that can crush mountains. You must burn her soul so hot with your love that doubt melts away. Your love must be unconditional and you must show her on her very worst days.

2. She doesnt know shes beautiful. She can get compliments all day and she wont believe it. There is a demon on her shoulder whispering that its not true. It takes a dozen compliments to erase one hurtful torment from her past. Shower her with compliments, be her cheerleader, until your words are her heartbeat instead of her doubts.

3. Chase her. I know we often have the attitude of not chasing anyone. I know it is said to be weak if we chase someone who walks away, but we need to see you are weak for us. Sometimes a broken girl needs to see how much you need her. She needs to.see that vulnerability in your eyes to feel ok. We need you to need us.

4. She needs routine. Broken girls over analyze everything. They notice everything, too. Did you stop asking her for pictures after some time passes? Did you stop using a pet name? Every broken pattern to us means the end of the only thing we have ever wanted and it terrifies us.

5. Smother us with affection. Touch us. Kiss us. Touch us some more. Broken girls have not experienced enough positive affection in their life. We will absorb every ounce as a person dying of thirst demands water. You cannot shower us with enough of a good touch.

6. Be honest and keep promises. Broken girls have not dared to dream much. Every vow made to us has been broken. Every promise has been a lie. We would rather you never let a promise escape your lips than have you utter false ones.

7. Prepare to drown. If we let you inside our chaotic soul, you will be immersed in a madness you will not understand. We sometimes walk the balance beam of insanity and sometimes we fall.
The biggest warning we should have is this.. if we love you, it is forever. We will love you with a loyalty that will amaze you. We will be committed and our heart will beat your name. While we are still broken we will try to devour all of your pain. We will be perceptive to your wounds and eager to heal your soul. If we love you, please be prepared that we will forever stay.

***This was not written by me, but by Lady-Savant on fet, she gave me permission to post, and asked no links be added.

Preach.

- A Broken Girl

This is me, and it is why so few people stay. Those that don’t understand, and tell me I’m playing the victim, were not broken as children

I know he’ll say I’m not broken but this still fits.

Working on not being so broken.

Third time posting… but still totally me.

14th November 2022

Post with 16 notes

The end continues..

It’s been a long 4 months. I was home in July and saw my mother mostly every day I was there.

Dementia is a horrible disease. She is failing so much faster than I could ever imagine.

I only have contact with her thru the ex-husband. The brothers don’t care to inform me or include me in anything.

An estate sale happened at the end of September. He actually spent $3000 on stuff to bring home for me and the babies. The house will be for sale soon. My heart breaks thinking my home is gone.

I love you, mama. I hope the universe tells you how much I miss you and need you to be ok.

Tagged: dementiapersonal

5th June 2022

Post with 9 notes

And the end begins…

Mom is now in a memory care facility as of June 2. I didnt get the chance to be with her and by the time I go in July, it may be too late. I was told she didn’t want me there, anyway.

Heart shattered. 💔

Tagged: personaldementia

13th April 2022

Post with 19 notes

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Proof of life. 😊 do we still do GPOYW?

Tagged: gpoyw

29th March 2022

Post with 12 notes

Life after…

It goes on. It continues as if nothing happened.

I catch myself waiting for him to call to check up on me since I haven’t called to let them know I’m ok. I find myself looking for emails updating me on doctor visits or health issues or just telling me about the weather and the cats outside vs the cats inside.

I see recipes and think, ooh, mom and dad will like that. Then I remember… he’s gone and she can’t cook anymore. I keep the recipe anyway, so that I can make it for her when I go in the summer.

Divorce proceedings have begun. Yes, it’s been 4 years (pretty much to the day) since I’ve been in St. Louis. I’m glad it’s begun but sad for the 38 years that he’s grieving for.

I’m still around on here. I do check pages every so often, especially those who have been so kind to send kindness my way. ❤️ thank you.

Tagged: personal

7th February 2022

Post with 18 notes

My dad died Friday.

I was ready. I said my goodbye. I’m ok.

Now… I worry about my mom. Dementia sucks.

Tagged: personaldementia

30th January 2022

Post with 8 notes

The update..

I’ve been home. I flew home on the 16th. Since dad was diagnosed with Covid, he was in isolation until the 16th. But he wasn’t transferred to a room that we could visit him until Jan. 20. I saw him Friday and Saturday and Monday. Hard. He isn’t eating. He’s sleeping most of the time. Mom didn’t know who he was the first day.

Mom… not knowing.. brother and SIL left to get pizza. Mom ended up not knowing me. I held on but god, that hurt. There are other times she didn’t know me or other family. It’s more NOT KNOWING than knowing. My heart broke.

He hadn’t been able to swallow after the stroke so we thought the end was coming. He was able to swallow by Jan. 19 and had pulled out the feeding tube in his nose. His medical directive says no tubes but he agreed to it so in it went. They tried several times to reinsert but it didn’t happen. In the past 11 days, I imagine he’s had maybe 1500 calories tops.

How long can he last?

He’s home with hospice. He insisted on coming home cuz he’ll “eat home cooked food” since hospital stuff is horrible. He wanted this.

Home for 24 hours and he hasn’t eaten. Again… how long can he last?

I’m back home in STL. What else could I do? No one wanted my advice or questions or help. So I’m home with Bri.

I said my goodbye since I didn’t know if the brothers would give me time to get home when it truly comes.

Heartbroken. Mom won’t last much longer when he is gone.

Tagged: personal

18th January 2022

Post with 11 notes

Oh, 2022… you needed to come in with a bang, didn’t you?

My dad… hospital. Ya, drainage tubes again. Tested positive… again.. for Covid so no family.

Then…. 3 days in… he had s stroke.

Fuck. Just…. Fuck

This may be a several part post cuz…. I kust can’t.

31st August 2021

Post with 31 notes

Proof of life…


Yes I’m still here and alive. ❤️ It’s been a hard two months without the babies and knowing that they’re growing into little humans without me.

Sofia has lost another tooth (makes 3 or 4) and can swim both on her belly and back. Jorgie is amazing at 4 years old and will be a heartbreaker come teenager years.

Life here is status quo. Work is the same and I still enjoy it. My heart stops once or twice a week when I leave the house because I forget and turn to tell Nemo to have a good day and I’ll be home soon. My boys are missed every second.

As are all of you. Please know I do think of you often and am sorry I’m not present more to catch up. I’ll work on that. 😊😊

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Tagged: selfies with gramma

24th June 2021

Post with 14 notes

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And more of my heart… my girl… she’ll be 6 at the end of July, is soooooo smart and almost 4 feet tall. My mom got out some games and when she asked for my phone I told her that gma got some games out to play and she said “oh, on what?” I laughed so hard. She’s so good at the memory game! She said she has it on her tablet but it’s more fun playing with other people. ❤️❤️

She drew me pictures that I brought home with me and I’ll take pictures of those so I have them preserved here as well.

My Sofia. My Jorgie. My heart.

Tagged: selfies with grammapersonal